No self confidence status

This is my state today : no self confidence at all :-(

Loose the last self confidence that I have suddenly ...... gone with the wind .....

Why? Dunno

I feel that I have nothing. Watched my self at the mirrow and see that I have nothing. Read all my friends status at FB ....... and again feel that I have nothing.

5 years ago, when I back again to my country ....... I felt the same thing.
why suddenly I felt this feeling again.
Uhm..............

3 weeks ago ... someone was really angry with me because I said that nothing special about me. He was so angry. And said will hate me so much if I said again that nothing special about me.
He said, who knows what will happen tomorrow. Have nothing is not mean that nothing special about me. ^ _ ^

Or may be because last week I got to much insult from many people?
Dunno

Hole in my heart is bigger now.
Wish not reach my old big wound. Cause it would make it bleed again.
And this time ...... seriously .... I do not know how to heal it again.

uhmmmmmmmmm.......... too sensitive
or actually it is normal for women at my age? ..........

Should have a riset for that ...... LOL

My Tribute to Yeni Abdul Rahman Wahid


Yeni Abdul Rahman Wahid is the 2nd daughter of our former President. She is 34 years old, her face is average (not beautiful but also not ugly). She has a normal shape like a normal woman above thirty. She wears normal dress, never used any sexy clothes at all. She is not famous because of her bad habit but because she always stand beside her father of her mother. She is normal like others single women above 30. Never looks like use too much make up. Nothing so special about her beside the fact that she is the daughter of the former important person in my country :-)

But why today I have to make a tribute to her?

Because last Saturday, she was getting married with a handsome man (really really handsome), tall, member of Indonesia assembly, has a good education, well manner, 4 years younger than her (uh...... !!!!!!!!), and looks like he is so proud to stand beside her (love is really unpredictable).

Two thumbs up for her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jealous?
Yes of course. But not in bad meaning. Cause in fact:I am so happy for her wedding.
Just one big question .....
What should I do to have a lucky like her. Hahahhahahhahhahhahahhaaha.

But I think, it is the way God show me His Power. Nothing impossible for Him, is He wants. It will happen just the way He wants.

Show me in the middle of my anxious, in the middle of my fear, in the middle of my confuse ....
I will have what I want as long as I believe in Him.

Thank you Yeni. Wishing your new beginning life will be happily ever after till death do apart (amen).
And thank you God for all the love and passion You gave to me.

The way to cure your stress or sadness

Want to know what the best thing to cure our stress?
Read this carefully :

S H O P P I N G

Yup, Shopping .....

Why shopping? because with shopping it looks like that we have something to move our stress to other beautiful things which melt our sad heart. ^_^

At least it will remove our stress or sadness to another kind of stress, namely :
'living in broken state' or 'dunno how to pay your credit card' huahahhhahahaha

Feel guilty after this activity?
Big capital YES

Because usually what we buy at this situation, is not the important things and sometimes useless because we even could not use it because too small or to big or we had it already. ^_^

But uhm.... no matter more than 100 times guilty feelings come and 100 promises , that will not do again if getting stress or sad, still ...... shopping needy, always come every time I fell this stress or sadness.

Or this kind actually not a cure treatment but one kind of sickness ?

Confuse mode on

Why are you still single?


Q: How old are you?
A: 3o something

Q: Are you married?
A: Nope I am single

Q: Hah? Why are you still single?
A: Because no one ask me to marry (crying mode on)

That are Question and Answer which already almost one week being asked to me

Can you imagine, they asked me .... why I am still single until now?
One big question which I did not now yet, what is the answer.

The truth is , my special one who ever been in my heart, never asked me, whether I want to marry them or not. Never got any marry proposal from them ..... wuih.

Sad? Yup ..... absolutely ......

Or, may be I must do something more aggressive, sell my self may be ? Huahahaahha

My mom said, that actually because I'll never used the change that I had. So, being alone and single until now, it is absolutely my choose
In fact, I am really confuse, which change that I'll never used before?

I do not know, what is My Lord's plan for me.

I remembered, one time I ever met my friend who is 2 years older than me and at that time was still single like me.

She always forced to married by her family. She is so beautiful so I bet, no body believe is she said that she never got any proposal from any men in this world

And she could not understand too, why no one asked her to marry . At that time, she has told me "if someone ask me to marry at this moment, no matter he is my boy friend or not. I will accepted without any condition. Huahahhahhahaahaha

Last year, at the end, she is married, after 1 months have a love relationship. How can? I asked her the recipe. She said, from the first time I met him, I told him that I will not want to find a lover but I want to find a husband.

Uhm ......
Or should I use her recipe? Give a clear declaration, that I will not want to find a lover, but I want to find a husband. Huahahahahaahahaha

But, I remembered, one time I ever tried to approach some one whom never believed with my love, no matter what I did for him. He was always insult me. And he always accused me that I wanted him, not because of I love him but because I was on my date time, to get married on time .... Uhmmm

So, I think I could not say that declaration. It will not work at all ^_^

Got kind of judge from some one, I think, that was not something which would make me happy. Especially, got from someone that I like.

So the end of my story with that guy, even though I still have a love for him, but I had to step back. I would not force someone to believe my heart or the worse thing, I would not force someone to love me, right?

Yesterday, my sister and her spouse, gave me any idea to match me with someone.
Hahahahahahha

But, how about my heart which I already gave to? It is impossible to lie to my heart just because I wanna get married.
I will not want to regret later ........

So? The solution?
I think, for this moment, I have to be more passion and let "the why questions" still being asked to me
Until one day, when the owner of my heart, from the bottom of his heart with ton of love, ask me
"if I want to end my single status, and stay by his side forever till death do us apart."


^_^