The common wrong idea

As long as I knew, people often get wrong idea about me. That always make me think again again if certainly I do something wrong which make them get many wrong idea about me.

Last 2 months, someone told me that somehow I have 2 faces. Because I could look serious but I wrote something funny. LOL
Do you think so? Uhm

I remembered long long time ago when I was still at my college, one of my best friend said that usually when I look so happy, means that I am sad. LOL
And lately one of my best friends mention the same about me.
Funny, right?

But to look happy when you feel sad, it is good, right?

The others common wrong idea about me is : many people here think that I am party girl. Always hanging out around at night. But actually I rarely go out at night. Yup I love walking around at the Mall, just to do window shopping and always back home before 9 or 10 PM . Not more. May be I want to go out hanging out one or two times, but it is usually not alone but with my siblings or my friends.

Beside that "party girl stamp" at me, people often think that I am so spoil if they do not work with me. Actually, I am just spoil with my lover, I rarely spoil in front of many people especially in my work now, I have to solve the problem alone, do my job alone (without any assistance). No one help to do my task, I event want to bring the heavy things alone if the office boy is buy with others job. Hahahahhaa. So how can they think that I am spoil woman?

Not rarely they think that I have many boy friends, play all men heart. But uhm.... I have to tell you the truth, usually men broke my heart first. Hahahhahaa

Or they think that I am too strong as a woman. Never sad just laughing. But actually no..... I am still normal woman. I can cry just because of small problem, but of course I am crying alone and do not want to show all people. I got many problems too. I did not born at the golden spoon..... I have to work so hard for my life. And there is one or two times, I have to say "I could not pass this" and crying a lot. But again ... my pride do not let me to do it. LOL

Or the funny wrong idea about me is about make up. Many people think that I used make up. But the truth is I just have moisturizer and lipstick and not more. I even do not know how to make eyebrow .... I just go to the saloon if I want to make my eyebrow look nice. Hahahahhahahaha

The other wrong idea is they said that I am a picky woman, that is the reason I am still alone. But actually no, I am not picky. How can they say that I am picky if I have no one whom I can choose to be my lover? LOL
My mom always said about the same (she said that I should try to meet them lol, and all people think that there are ton of men now, are waiting me to be their lover. But the fact, no ... not many at all. I do not know why they do not choose me? LOL
It is confuse me, why they think so far about me?
Uhm.... may be because I am so smart, beautiful and talented? huahahahahhahaahahahaaha

And many of the wrong ideas of me made it by all people.

Hi ... do you think actually I am so bad like that said but I did not realize it?
I do not know. Do you have idea?

Birthday - between gratefull and nightmare

As a normal human ... every year, I have one day name : BIRTHDAY .
When my age increase 1 year but actually my time of living in this world decrease 1 year too.
Still balance, right? LOL

And same like the other birthdays before, actually I do not know what should I do at that day. Last year my siblings and their families made one small party for me. Not really kind of party, just one cake with candle (with the number of my age!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare them remind it lol). But that was the lonely birthday that I ever had. Why? Because actually they were more busy with their family and I was alone there, watched them with envy and lonely feeling.

Tomorrow? I do not know. All my friends at the office are really busy because of preparation for soft launching next year. So can't ask them to do any fun things together. My both younger brother will just at home because they are busy with their family (they both have one cute small son, whom make them do not want to go out anywhere after office hours), and my lovely sister could not go out because her nanny still does not back home yet, make her busy with her son. And my mom? She will not want to go out too late :-( May be because feel afraid that someone kid nap her . LOL

And the other friends? I think many of them busy with their own family (that is the big problem for woman at 30s .. because many of your friends already have their own family and do not have much time to do any crazy things with you. Hahaahhahahhahaa

Like I wrote before, I do not have problem with all that. It is ok if no one joint with me to do something. I get to use it. Go alone everywhere, just with myself. So that is really not my problem.

The problem is because it is just a few years left to be 40s something. It is really nightmare for me. Feel afraid being old (hi .... I am woman, sometimes my emotion bigger than my logical thinking ). Really envy with all young women there ...... LOL

Half hour before, I watched my face at the mirror, to make sure that there is no wrinkle at my face. I saw it carefully inch by inch. To make sure there is really no wrinkle. Ha ha ha ha ha .

At the bus during my home back way, I thought whether I would want to go back to my young time if God would give me the chance. And the funny things, I do not want to go back at that time. I am grateful with all that ever happen with me. From the worse until the best. I do not want to change anything. I like what I am now, and may be it would not same if I would change my past. Yup, I do not regret my past.

I just do not like birthday, want to stop my age now..... hahahaaahhaha

Ah .... by the way: do you think I will get nice present tomorrow? LOL
Or even though there is no love letter and I am still single at least there is someone ask me to eat baskin robins with a big chocolate cake ..... huahahahhahhaha

Match Maker .... About Pride and Dignity

To be the only single woman at Asian family, certainly is not easy. Especially, if all your younger brothers already married and have their own children plus especially when your age is already more than 30 yo. And this is one of the example, which is hurt my pride and take away my dignity.

Last week was the biggest day for Muslim (Eid Festival), and for Muslim people in Indonesia this festival is the biggest one, where whole family are together to celebrate it. Time for us to meet our biggest family whom usually we rarely (almost never) met, time for us to say sorry to the eldest.

And for me it was actually always be the hard moment of my life. The family gathering, when all family show their family, when I am the single fighter at that gathering and when I should hear the never ending question (ok .... will end as soon as my status changing. LOL ) : when I will marry, why I am too picky, why I did not like my others siblings. If I never think to have my own family, if I do not want to have my own child, if I am not bored to be the single woman. And when people remind me again and again about my age which is not younger anymore :D

The worse ... when I had to see how pity they look at me ........ (Do I look really so sad? Uhm .... I think I was happy at that time because I could met all my nephews. Or may be the wrinkle at my face become more and more so I looks sadder than before ......... LOL )

And then come the time when my mom asked, if they knew some one who match for me and made them want to be a hero by decide to be the match maker for me.... Uh

I knew ... they have a good will. But try to find someone for me? Is it not a bit too far? Take my dignity away. Looks like that I am so ugly and no one want with me so I need them to find some one who is too stupid too, to find wife by his self. Uhm.....

Not try to be arrogant, but I think I am not too ugly, not too fat too. I think as a woman at my age, I am quite fine. Do you think so? :D

But if until now, no one whom I love, proposed me to be their wife, what should I do? Should I take just everybody just because I want to end this "single" status? I am not picky. I am not workaholic, who just think about my job. I am not feminist members who thinks that she did not need any man at her life. I am not trauma with all my broken heart things which make me close all my heart to every man. I am not "high and mighty".
No ... I am not. I just want to spent my life with the one that I love and loved me. And hi ...... I am trying to find it too !!!!!!

And if because of that I am still single, should they feel pity on me? Should they look at me like I am the burden for my mom? Should I be the bad daughter? And should they try to find someone and "beg" him to marry me? Uhm ...

Yup .... this month there is one more number at my age. But still ..... I believe that one day, I will end my "single" status, with the one whom loved me and I love and happily ever after, without any kind of match maker things :P

Wish me luck, will you? :D