(again) why I do not have any boy friend yet

Why I do not have any boy friend yet.

Uhm .... actually this is kind of bored question for me. I do not know the answer too. I do not know why no one wants me to be their boy friend :)

Many people always said that I am too picky. And to tell you honestly how can I be too picky if I do not have any choice, people who will be the candidate for my boyfriend. LOL. I know, no one believe it, but that is the fact. I am single fighter who is going around alone or with all my marriage friends.

And the other said that I am workaholic, and to tell you the truth ... no I am not. Yes of course there is a time where I have to work until late, but I still have time to go out with my friends.

Or people said that I am carrier woman, who wants to reach high carrier and do not care about my life. But no ... I do not have any carrier, so which kind of carrier that I am trying to reach?

Or they asked me me whether I am feminist, uhm I am not kind of feminist or gender obsess, of course I am talking much about gender equity, bias gender, about how women struggle to get their right, but I am still normal woman, who need man in my life LOL

There is many times when I feel so lonely and a bit envy to see couple people walking together or to see my siblings and my in laws.

There is many times when I see at the mirror and ask if there is something wrong with my face so nobody wants to be with me, or many times I ask my mirror if something wrong with my habit, myself so no one want to be with me. LOL

That is the reason why I am so wonder if one of my friend has many boy friends in the same time or has a husband and boyfriend at the same time or faster to get a new boy friend or husband after broken heart or after divorce.

I ever asked them, what should I do to be like them. Mostly they said, if you are alone just send a man your best temptation smile and glance, usually that man will come to you. Hi ... I do not have any self confidence to do that. I know I can make joke and many man like me because of that, but usually I can do that if they are already my friend. I can tell many of funny stories to my friends but not to the strangers. I have to feel comfortable with them first, so I can talk much with them.

I do not know how to tempt or seduce a strange man. I do not know how to make them get interested with me. And I have no idea what is wrong with me actually :D

It is different if they do this first step to me. Smile to me or seduce me hahahahhhaa. But uhm ... I do not know why they never do that to me. My sister even ever so amazed me when I told her that, until my age now, no man ever smile to me or seduce me when they saw me sit down alone in the coffee shop, restaurant or even in the night club. She said ...how can no one ever do that to you, because you are not too ugly. But again .... I do not know the answer.

That is the reason why I always ask my friends, my families to match me with someone they knew. It is easier than I have find man by my self. LOL

Uhm ... do you want a bit nice to me, tell me what I should do to have some one who is falling in love with me and want to be my boy friend and then one day wants to propose me to be his wife? Do you think that I am actually too ugly? Too bad? Too stupid?

And if you were single man, would you fall in love with me and would you ask me to be your girlfriend or to be your wife? I know, you must be so nice and said yes hahahhahhahhahaaha

How ever, would you please be so kind and give me your advice?

My legs -foot and shoes

Do you know, the part of my body that I like much are my smile, my legs and my foot. Uhm ... this time I do not want to talk about my smile.

My legs have a beautiful structure (hi ... I am not over self confidence but many people said like that to me :D) have less almost no hairy so I do not need any kind of wax for my legs and do not have to feel painful because of that wax :D. My legs are whiter than my hands, and the good point of the legs because your legs never become fat even though you are become fat hahahhahahaha.

Because of my legs and because of I am short too (with just 155 cm or around 5.1 inch), I love to use kind of short skirt or sack dress ( usually the length of my skirt or sack dress a bit above my knee). Of course at my office, I often use pants, but this year, I reduce step by step to use pants .... cause want to change of my appearance LOL

Now about my foot, I have small foot, my shoes number is 35 or 4 . Small, right? So why I like my foot? Because it is look so cute and fix with my small body. Even if I use ugly shoes or kind of sandal, it is still look not bad at all.

That is the reason too, why it is hard to find shoes in my number, and that is the reason too why I am so happy if I find beautiful shoes or sandal (I love sandal) in my number.

About shoes, uhm beside hard to find beautiful shoes in my number, but I just want to buy a bit expensive shoes because of I can't stand if my shoes make me get headache You know if the shoes structure is not fix with my foot, it will make headache to use even just for one hours.

I can use high heels for walking for long hours (I love walking around Mall for hours especially if I get stress hahahahhaha) and event for jumping, but with one conditional, the high heels must be so comfortable for my foot. So please forgive me if I am a bit royal to buy expensive shoes or sandal. Because good price have a good quality too. LOL

Now, can you imagine, how happy I am if I am walking with a good harmony between my beautiful legs, cute foot and nice shoes? I feel so beautiful and have a ton of self confidence :D

Next time I think I should to take a picture of my legs, my foot and my shoes for you. So you will agree with what I wrote down here :D

The way I love massge

Do you know, the best part why I love to stay in my country - Indonesia, because of in here, I could get good massage and cheap with around USD 5 - 10. And if I want to pampers my self more, with body scrub and spa, I just pay around USD 20 - 25 ( but I rarely do this, because I always do body scrub alone at home and it is more nicer for me :D )

For me, if I feel too tired or if I get stress, one thing that I will do is find massage place and get nice massage there. After this treatment, usually I can feel fresh and the treatment reduce my stress much.

In Indonesia, you can find many kind of massage, from Java massage, bali massage , reflexiology (it is a bit pain but quite good after that). I think not just in Indonesia but whole Asia. Thai massage is one of the best too. You should try if you go there.

Of course I like to get massage in a place for woman only because I feel a bit safe and comfortable there. Hahahhaaha. I do not like if strange man touch my body, or if I just use one sheet of cloth or material in front of men (even though they just there because get massage too and seems do not care about me LOL) but still ... I feel not comfortable. So massage for women only is the right place for me :D

I almost go every week for massage (yup I am a bit massage maniac hahahhhhaahaa, but I can't help my self). It's kind of addicted I think because I feel that whole my body is sick if I did not get massage for more than 2 weeks.

The good think about massage beside is how the therapist care about you. They pamper you so much, ask you if their massage to strong or not, if I feel comfortable or not.

My favorite is aromatherapy massage when they massage you with aromatherapy candle. It will make you feel relax and calm and sleepy too.

So .. I suggest you if you feel to tired and you are in my country or asian country ... try to find massage place and you will feel so relax and fresh .

I bet ..you will love it so much :D

One of my heart day

Yesterday was the hard day for me. Two of my friends died. One is my teacher and will be my NLP teacher. He always send kind of motivation words through face book. When I learn hypnotherapy class with his group, in the class of self forgiveness (where at that time every one should be the therapist and be a patients alternately) and at my time as a patients, he was together being my therapist with my friend.

I still remember what he said at my ear, "you are good as you are, you are a great creature from God, so please forgive yourself and find peaceful at your heart". The last time, at the face book he put the motivation "Dare to dream and believe it will come true".

Last 2 weeks I met his brother and told him about my willing to learn NLP - motivation class because I want to be a motivator facilitator since there is rarely motivator woman in this world. So I asked his brother to tell him and inform me if he will open class again (and of course I made a joke about discount rate for me hahahhhahaa). And his brother said, he knew that his brother will open one class on May, but do not know yet when exactly.

He is nice person and really calm, always shares his knowledge, always motivated everybody. So the news about motorcycle accident yesterday morning which brought him to the coma situation for hours, made me shocked. He died yesterday afternoon.

The second one is one of my friend from my nature club at my university. He is my senior actually. He was sick for long time. Actually I do not so close with him, but still, he is my friend. Especially, he is the very best friend of one people who ever be so closed with me when I was at my university. He is so funny. And gave a few of people there a nick name which are still we used until now in our group.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a text : ask me to go to the hospital where he was treated. Said that may be this is the last day of him, the Doctor already gave up. And a few hours after this text, I got a new news said that he already died.

Seriously, 2 obituaries news in one day ... made me feel so down. But I know, God must be love them more, so He asked them to stay at His side so soon.

If people asked me if I am ready if suddenly died. I tell you honestly .... I am ready.

I just did not ready if I hear all people who I love so much ... died. I did not ready for that. It broke my heart. I can't imagine my world with them all. Even though I rarely talk with them or meet them or one or two of them hate me so much and do not want to meet me at all, but still to imagine my world without them .... broke my heart.

Yesterday night I think about how if they died without know that I care about them, without know that I love them and they are the important person in my life ? How if too late? Should I begin to tell them about that? Will they want to forgive me if I ever hurt them without realize it? Will they want to hear it without curious about my good will? Will them not be more hate me? Will they want to keep a promise to take a good care of their self? If not for me at least for their family. Will they want to hear that there is one woman in the middle of nowhere who will be crying a river if something bad happen with them?

If you were them, would you accept my care and love without any curious? Will you forgive me? Will you give me your promise to take a good care of yourself where ever you go and what ever you do?