My Bless Birthday

Last week I celebrated my birthday. Don't ask me my age :D, and don't worry too cause I am still thirty something not yet become forty something. LOL

I did not celebrate it with birthday cake and neither with candle especially candle with number. Hahahahaha I did not celebrate with my family or my usual friends. I even a bit isolated by any modern technology as Internet because my blackberry which is usually work well and very loyal to me, that time was useless, could not use it at all, even as telephone.

But I told you clearly that it was one of my greatest happy birthd. For the first time I felt so touchy and for the first time since I knew about birthday .. I did not cry at my birthday at all, just smile and laugh whole day. My friends who saw my pictures at my birthday, all said that I looked so bright and so happy.

And for the first time, I felt that I am also the beautiful one in this planet :D. May be people who made my birthday so bright never realize how the meaningful it was for me. May be for that person, it was something common. But, for me? It was more than special, it was super duper special. I wanted to say thank you and thank you and thank you but it seems that no words could really express what I felt. It is hard to express my thankful. Just could give my best smile Just could give my warm heart, without knowing if it is enough or not. Uhm .... I did not know how to express it without looked like lips service or looked like that artificial. Yup sometimes I did not good to handle kind of this situation so sometimes looked like I did not care enough with what people do to me. Uhm ..... God, I really want to say my thankful to this lovely person .... but how to do? Please give me an idea ....

Do you ever feel that? It is more than kind you want to show someone your love. It is more than that. It is more than grateful. Or kind of mixing from love and grateful?

Oh God, same to that person, I could not be able to show You too .... how grateful I am. Thank you so much God for the beautiful birthday. I love You so much.

How to get husband :D (Part 1)

One of my resolution this year is I want to get marry (of course I will postpone if someone ask me to wait for him- I will waiting as long as he wants :D ) And as you know, this year will end in around three months again and I still do not have any relationship until now , so ..... I feel a bit panic :D Yes, I am kind of silly woman - who just panic because nobody propose me. But do you know I am a single woman above thirty years old who always crazy about marry things hahahahhaa.

Of course like others women, I tried to find advices from all friends that I have about how to get husband in a short times :D

Last week, my adviser were all the working women in my age. Like others working women in Jakarta, they all are almost in same type: have a partner (I mean husband), long and curly hair, full of make up, smell good, a bit sexy dress (I mean looks sexy but not cheap), big boobs (cause all already have a child - so their boobs cup minimal C ..ehm ...ehm ) maintained nails (beautiful nail polish - from this you will know already that they never do any domestic worked - all done by maid :D), blink blink jewelry and the important things is - the high heels is the must for them :D

So can you imagine, how different I am actually with them (looks like earth and sky). And a bit jealousy come in my heart of course (hi ... I am still human)

And they first advices : I should overcome my ego - they mean that I should try to make my hair longer, not too short like now ( sigh sigh sigh). They said, every men usually loves to see woman with long hair because its so feminine in their eyes.

The second advices: I should try hard to really learn to use make up like them to retouch my face become better, not only just moisturizer and lipstick which I always used :D I should be able to cover my face flaw.

The two of advices are given to me by them because they said, man usually see woman from the outlook first. It is the reason why it is so important for woman to take care their outlook, their outer beauty first and it is not enough just use a neat clothes but must more afford for it. This all ladies surprised when I said, I just need around 10 minutes to get ready if someone ask me to go out suddenly (uhm, I think that is the reason why no man ever say "hi" to me or flirt me when I was alone. LOL) . They said may be I can try to use wig for my hair first and try to learn hard to use more make up for my face.

The third advices : I should not show up how smart I am. Because men always want to show us how clever they are. So if I took their part, they will feel ill feel. When I said, all my male friends, like to discuss something with me because they think that I am quite smart. But this lovely women, said ... of course they like to discuss with me because my male friends do not think that I am a woman !!!! It is hurt me a bit. Why my male friends do not think that I am a woman !!!!!!!!!! I was using a skirt or mini dress and my high heels sometimes in front of them. Uhm ........ I should ask them clearly about it.

You see .... just three advices from them ...... but it is hard for me to do, it looks like that I have to change my whole personality (they said it is not about my personality but about my ego - do I want to change myself for one man?)

A bit frustrated for me. Not mean that I never had a long hair before, of course I ever had. But now days, it is easier for me with my short hair because I feel younger and easy to care my short hair.

And about show my smart mind. I do not mean to show people how smart I am, but I like if I meet people who want to discuss something with me - especially if I can gain many information and knowledge beside that I like to share what I knew to others too. So, it not mean that I want to show how smart I am.

Uh ... do you think, it is really no man in this world will accept me just the way I am? Is it really important outer look for man? How about heart ? How about politeness? How about manner? How about inner outlook?

Uhm .... almost give up. LOL

So ... really can't wait to go to next groups to get more advices about how to get husband .... :D

Wish me luck (drucken mich die Daumen -bitte)

The reason why I love rain

I always love rain since I was child, first because I am staying at the warmest country. Indonesia just have 2 season, dry season and rain season. Of course it will not be too hot like in Arabic countries, but around thirty seven or six degree Celcius, it is not comfortable so when it is raining, it is kind of big mercy for me :D

Second, I have a problem to think something if I am staying at place where it is too hot, I feel like my brain melted. LOL So, if the electricity is cut off and no Air Conditioner or when I have to stay outdoor, I could not think clearly, make me get headache :D

I can have many ideas and so creative when it is raining, I can finish my task fast when it is raining. Feel like I have a lot of energies from the rain. LOL

I love to walk under the rain, I love to day dreaming when it is raining. Rain always make s me feel so romantic :D So can you imagine, one of my favorite when I have my someone special? Yup being with him and see the rain :D Of course I am more lucky if he wants to join with me to walk under the rain :D

Unfortunately it is already a few months since the last rain in here. I am missing it so much.

Wish it will raining in here soon ........

Every body sweetheart

Something that I couldn't do until now is to be kind a sweet - cute woman. That is something which is not perfect for me. Even though if you see me physical - I am kind of small woman :D

Not mean that I am not a nice person, but it is hard for me to be really girly who is sweet and cute and talk in a sweet and cute way. No ... its not me at all.

With me, you can talk from serious until funny joke, I can laugh without think about how to control my manner - to laugh in a good manner I mean. I will talk in a normal way without too busy to control my body language - make it look cute, sweet even sexy. I will tell you what is in my mind and will not simply agree with your mind. LOL Yes, I know I am not kind of princess and still not trying to be one of that. What you see in me that is you will get :D I am just I am.

I am prefer if people say that I am funny rather than I am sweet or cute hahahhahahaha. I think until now, just one people who said that I am sweet and cute. And I still want to ask him if he is really serious about it or it is one of his joke for me. LOL

Can you imagine, in my work environment now, there is who one who is always looking like a sweetheart and innocent woman. So ... every time she did something wrong, people still think that she is sweetheart and I am the bad guy hahahhahhahaha

Am I angry with that? Of course not ... I just need more time to make them clear about my decision or my position, so it will no misunderstanding anymore.

But of course sometimes, I think, my life will be easier if I were like the sweet - cute - innocent ladies. Hi .... I am still human, right? My neighbor grass is sometimes greener than mine. LOL

Or sometimes I still think may be because of that I am still single until now.Ouch...... :D

Uhm .... what do you think?

The meaning of "relationship"

In my age now, I experienced by myself, I saw, I heard about many kind of relationship. But unfortunately more old I am, more worse relationship issue around me. I rarely see people who really take care about their relationship. It looks as relationship just a symbol that you are not alone, not more.

They have boy friend/girl friend or husband/wife but still trying to find an affair without feel guilty. Uhm......

I do not say that I am a holly woman, who never did any kind of cheated in my relationship. But I will promise you that I will try my best to respect my relationship which I have one day.

Respect the relationship mean that I will not cheat (with other man) the one who will be agree to have a serious relationship with me. At least if I think, I can not hold the relationship (but of course I will try my best before I decide to give up), I will tell him, better we end it and I will not tell my problems or try to find any one before it really end.

For me, if you could not stick with one person, if you still want to try with others, why should you have any kind of relationship. It is better if you are really single without any kind of relationship. You are free to do anything without feel guilty and look fair for the person who has a relationship with you :D Have relationship mean that you have a commitment, so you have to take a responsibility with your commitment.

To have a relationship means that you are trying to share your life with one person, even though you are not married. To have a relationship means that you are trying to focus with one person. And it will be beautiful if at the end you decide to have a commitment after that.

May be I am oldies, but I think I am a simple person, I do not want to feel so guilty and do not want to have problems if I have a relationship and then I begin to walk together or enjoy my day with another. For what the relationship that I have.

If I have a problem with the one who has a relationship with me, I will try my best to solve together with him or if I feel bored with him, I will try hard to tell him that I need something new in our relationship (may be candle light dinner or going to the cinema will save our relationship)

So please, if you have a relationship, don't cheat again with another. Or if you can't stick with one people, just please don't have any kind of relationship :D

Simple, right?

Drugs and House Music

Last Friday night, my friends and I were going together after office hours. Actually not really office hours because it was already too late around 9.00 PM cause I still had a late meeting. So we decided to spend our Friday night as usual we always did before (one time per month) , we call it Ally mc Beal times (if you ever saw the tv series "Ally Mc Beal" - about lawyers who always spend their after office hours time at the Bar to hear live music. The tv series was famous around 1990 something - I forgot :))

But this time, one my friend, asked me to spend longer until early morning (oh ... I have to tell you that my friends knew each others longer than I knew them), so they asked me to joint them - kind of know them more :D

Of course because I had a time and still no one yet waiting home for me, I agree to joint with them. Why not. Right?

And the story begin. First they brought me to the place, one kind of bar which is has a disk jockey who was playing kind of house music and the place is too quite. I still could accept the music because it was not too "house music" which made your head burn . LOL

But because of too quite ... mean not to many people there, my friends asked me to move. I've felt a bit happy when they've decided that. And hope - they would change the music with something which you could sing a long and dance together.

Before we moved ... they brought me to one place which was far away - around center of Jakarta. I asked one of them, why they brought me there, and they laughed at me, thought that I was joking with them. Uhm....

One of my friend then has gone a few minutes and backed again to the car and then brought a few drugs with him and shared with my other friends include me. And when I refused it, they thought that I made a joke with them.

So I told them, not just a drug, I even never tried cigar before, I never smoked. And of course, because they are my friends, they could accept my reason even though they still not understand why I did not want to try it.

I did not say that I am kind of "holly" woman, but I think - drug is absolutely not my thing and I do not understand why I need something which is bad for my body. Not in my logical thinking. May be I am fool but what ever they said, I still did not want to try to use any drug beside medicine.

Then the awful one and my nightmare when after that they brought me to the Night Club which is full of drunk people and people who use drugs and kind of house music. It is so awful. I mean for our age, this kind of Night Club is not fit for us anymore. And I could not enjoy at all. I cant understand how can they enjoy the night if they are under drugs control. And why they did not feel afraid if suddenly police catch them. I did not understand. May be next time I have to ask them to see from their point of view, how they enjoy this kind of fool things :D

I just wanted to hear live music - the music which I could sing along with and dance with and laughing and talking with my friends. Not kind of "house music" - which I just could heard the loud music with a Disc Jockey (DJ), and surround by people who was under drug or alcohol control. So for me 5 minutes was enough to stay there and decided to say good bye to my friends and back home.

Of course my friends felt guilty, but what can I do, drugs and House Music are not my type. And I do not want to pretend them that I enjoy it. I do not care if they thought that I am not kind of "cool woman" because of that. It is ok. And I did not want to judge that what they did is wrong too. They are already mature enough, to decide what is right and what is wrong.

And it is still funny for me, because as my friend, they really thought that I am a kind of woman who still want to use drugs, hear kind of horror music (I mean "house music") and enjoy this kind of horror Night Club with that kind of horror people. LOL

But of course because they are my friends, I still love them as my friend as long as they never ask me to joint with them with that kind of horror night. LOL And I bet, they never did again.

Time with Under Secretary USA

Last week I had a great time because, under my tons of works, my boss asked me to attend the USAID annual partnership meeting with him, which was at the meeting, the under secretary for Democracy and Global Affairs US Department of State and the US Ambassador for Indonesia came.

For me of course to meet the US Ambassador it is not something special. But to meet the under secretary - Maria Otero, it is something special. She is the very very important people (vvip) at the meeting. She take a very good position at Obama's regime, her awards and recognition include selection by Newsweek in October 2005 as one of the United State's 20 most influential women!! So, can you imagine how lucky I am that I could meet her personally (of course it will be more special if I could meet Hilary Clinton personally - I am her fan :) . Wish me luck, I could meet her one day, will you?)

The wonderful moment of course cause I could take a picture side by side with her. Hi ... she eve put her hand at my waist when we took a picture and did not release it until the photo session finished. She is really a warm woman. And actually not like a formality too much, but her job and her position force her to obey the formality procedural. We even talked a bit, she said I should work hard for my people (Indonesian people) and she said thank you for my dedicated work for my country as a part of Indonesia civil society.

Of course I felt a bit shame, because I thought, until now I never did something big for my country and I thought if my office did not pay me, may be I did not want to work. LOL I am not kind of activist who is really speaking up for the people or fighting for the right of people.

So thanks God ... I love You so much :D