Birthday - between gratefull and nightmare

As a normal human ... every year, I have one day name : BIRTHDAY .
When my age increase 1 year but actually my time of living in this world decrease 1 year too.
Still balance, right? LOL

And same like the other birthdays before, actually I do not know what should I do at that day. Last year my siblings and their families made one small party for me. Not really kind of party, just one cake with candle (with the number of my age!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare them remind it lol). But that was the lonely birthday that I ever had. Why? Because actually they were more busy with their family and I was alone there, watched them with envy and lonely feeling.

Tomorrow? I do not know. All my friends at the office are really busy because of preparation for soft launching next year. So can't ask them to do any fun things together. My both younger brother will just at home because they are busy with their family (they both have one cute small son, whom make them do not want to go out anywhere after office hours), and my lovely sister could not go out because her nanny still does not back home yet, make her busy with her son. And my mom? She will not want to go out too late :-( May be because feel afraid that someone kid nap her . LOL

And the other friends? I think many of them busy with their own family (that is the big problem for woman at 30s .. because many of your friends already have their own family and do not have much time to do any crazy things with you. Hahaahhahahhahaa

Like I wrote before, I do not have problem with all that. It is ok if no one joint with me to do something. I get to use it. Go alone everywhere, just with myself. So that is really not my problem.

The problem is because it is just a few years left to be 40s something. It is really nightmare for me. Feel afraid being old (hi .... I am woman, sometimes my emotion bigger than my logical thinking ). Really envy with all young women there ...... LOL

Half hour before, I watched my face at the mirror, to make sure that there is no wrinkle at my face. I saw it carefully inch by inch. To make sure there is really no wrinkle. Ha ha ha ha ha .

At the bus during my home back way, I thought whether I would want to go back to my young time if God would give me the chance. And the funny things, I do not want to go back at that time. I am grateful with all that ever happen with me. From the worse until the best. I do not want to change anything. I like what I am now, and may be it would not same if I would change my past. Yup, I do not regret my past.

I just do not like birthday, want to stop my age now..... hahahaaahhaha

Ah .... by the way: do you think I will get nice present tomorrow? LOL
Or even though there is no love letter and I am still single at least there is someone ask me to eat baskin robins with a big chocolate cake ..... huahahahhahhaha