The switch .... is it satire about me ?

Last 2 weeks (or 3 weeks?), I was watching movie with my old friend "the switch", the actress is Jennifer Aniston and the actor ? Uh I forgot the name :).

The story about a woman who is almost 40 yo and want to have a child but do not have any partner yet (this is actually the reason of my question hahhahhaa). So she did insemination, and the sperm she bought from one man whom she thought, a good genetic quality man. But her best friend (who actually could not understand, why she did not choose him as a donor) exchange that sperm with his :-D

As a single woman who will be 40 next few years, I could feel what that woman feel. I understand it deeply. When your biologist time is beating more strong every day, and remind you again and again that you almost in the end of your fertility time (one good reason to be a man actually).

Being PANIC is the right word to descripe what I feel and became more PANIC when you are still single!!!!!!!!! And looks like no one wants to ask you to marry (the second good reason to be a man, you can ask any body t marry without feel like you through away your dignity even though the answer is big NO :-D)

Last 6 years, I ever told to myself if until my 35 birthday I am still single, I will go to adopt one child. And last year at my 35 birthday, I still felt afraid to do it, and after watch the movie? I want to do it again.

Of course I want to do like that woman in the movie do ... but in Indonesia? It will be hard for the child if I am single and suddenly pregnant. People will look down to my whole big family not just me!!!!!!!! And I do not want that way.

But one side, sometimes I feel that I do not have any power to raising a child by myself without any partner (red: husband), and I could not add any grandchild for my mom too, since she is a bit busy with my 3 nephew. I do not say that she will reject the child, but I feel shame on me if I still bother her with my child. And I know, she will not think just about how to help me to raise the child, but who is the father, and how to protect her self and me from the bad words of my neighbors. I do not want to be kind of big burden any more for her. It is enough for her to hear and to see how people look me down, because of my status.

Many people around me, do not believe that I feel scare if think about my age, because I do not look panic at all. Because I still can give my big smile or make a joke .....

But if they knew me well or asked my wall at my home ...... they would know that I feel really scare about my age and feel scare that I will be lonely at my old time.
Uhm.......

So what do you think that I should do now?