Letter for My Mom

Dear Mom,

This is the letter for you, the letter which is never read by you but I want to write because it is the way for me to share what I feel without have to hurt you, because you always being hysterical, angry and cry every time I share to you what I feel. You thought that I just wanted to hurt you. But no mom, I never have any slightest idea to hurt you. I love you so much mom.

Mom, since I was child until now, I never got any hug from you. I never got any kiss from you. And do you know mom? I miss it so much. I always need your hug and then you tell me that everything is gonna be all right, every time I have a problem. But mom ... I never got all of that from you. Don't worry mom ... you do not need to solve my problem mom, I will do it. But still ... I am still your daughter who needs her mom, when she is in trouble or when she is in her bad day. I am still your daughter mom, who need you as her "home" the place who she can always back where ever she feels tired with her hard life.

Mom, sometimes I feel tired to be your mom. To solve your problem, to solve your children problems. I feel tired to be a parents for my siblings and for you and my father. And mom, being tired is not mean that I do not want to do that, not mom ... being tired mean sometimes I need take a rest a bit and need time to refresh my mind. So, please mom, don't always get angry to me and tell my siblings that I am so rude to you .... no mom .... I am not rude, but I do not know why sometimes the problems come together in the same time, and I need to be quite first before take any emotional decision which is I regret after that. Until now ... you know that I am always be your good daughter, right? I never run away from my responsibility and never gave up, right? I never leave you alone with you or my siblings problems, right? I am always there for you, mom.

Mom, as your child, I want you to be a strong woman. I want you feel happy. I want all the best in this world. But mom, all that must begin from yourself first. Not from me, not from my siblings and especially not from my dad.

Let my dad with his new life, mom. Let him with his happiness and let yourself try to find your own happiness. Forget your past, mom. And begin with a new day. You are beautiful, mom. I know, if compare with me .... there is many men fall in love with you and want to share their life with you. You deserve to get happiness with another kind man, who knows how treat you well and for his small world you are all.

No .. it is not because I want to release my responsibility for your life mom, not like that. But as human, I know, you need someone who can share your life with. And as your children, I and my siblings could not give it to you. Because all of us have their own life mom. Please try to understand it. And don't get angry and cry if I told you about this. Not because we do not care about you but somehow ... especially my siblings ... they have their own family who need their care and time too.

Mom, do you know that I love you so much? Because at least you did not leave me and my siblings like my father.

Mom, since I was child, you always told my sister that you did not understand me because I never share anything to you. Mom, that was not because I did not want to share anything with you but where ever I told you ... instead of hear me or gave me a solution, you always got angry to me.

You never protected me from any one, you even just quite every time my father hit me with his belt because of the problem that often I did not know. You just told me that I should cry in front of my father so he would stop hit me. But mom ... no ... I would not cry ... I would not want to do that kind of trick ... I just wanted to hear from you and from my father what was the wrong thing that I did, which made him hit me with his belt. I did not feel hurt at my body mom ... but at my heart. The big part of that because you did not offer your shoulder to my cried on. You did not give me your warm hugs. You were just quiet.

Mom, do you know, sometimes, because of loading of works at my office, I feel tired and do not have time to hear your needy. But it doesn't mean that I do not care about it. I will do what ever I can do for you mom. I just need take a rest a bit and drink water a bit after back home and then begin to hear your problems. Just that mom. Not mean that I ignore you. No mom.

Do you know ... where ever I go, the first thing that I always remember is what I have to buy for you, mom. Just for you, mom. Not for myself. I just want you to feel happy.I want to give everything that I can buy for you, mom. The best for you. So ... sorry if sometimes what I bought was not match with your will, so don't say that I care my siblings more than you, no mom ... I can buy another, just tell me, as simple as that.

Mom, again ... please do not always be angry and hysterical, I will hear you and always be there for you, mom but still your daughter needs her mom as her mother.

I love you so much mom

Sincerely

Your daughter