At my age now, I rarely want to go to the any kind of party. It is often if I did not accept any party, even though the owner party was my close friend. Not mean I do not want to be kind of strike woman who can not enjoy the life or woman who can not make any sosialization with all people. Of course one or two times ... I am enjoy to do this .... especially if too tired and need something which make you can scream loud, dancing until you die .... and of course ... laughing on all the drank people there ....
Uhm ... the funny things on me ... I never attend any kind of party with some one who I love and loved me. Or actually it was the good things? So no one will make me jealous or no one will do any kind of jealous thing to me .... hahahhhaaa
Dunno ....
Yesterday I attend, one party because of I had to attend it. That was kind of solidarity party, so after did loooooooong workshop with people from South Asia country, it is kind of farewell party for each others.
So ... like kind of any party ... there should be music, alcohol, dancing ....
Dance till you drop ........LOL
Drink alcohol till you drank ..... hahahaahahahahaha .... nope just joke never work for me (one of the biggest mercy, He gave to me :D)
I thought the most part of the party which I like is the dancing time. It was sooooooo nice, because it was so long since I did the last time.
The live music were good, the songs were nice and the athmosphere there were so good ... until one of the guy there asked me to dance with him.
Actually ... it was not wrong I think to dance with any body since the songs is kind of the rock music. I mean, it was no dance music so ... the chance of him to touch my body is almost nothing.
But actually I was wrong ... he was so drunk and I did not realize when he asked me .... and in the middle of the song he hold me so thight and began to touch my body ....... ARRGHHHHH....
So angry .. until I did push him and made him almost fallen down there .... but ... I could not help my self. Sorry .
After that one of my friend who is woman, told me the same thing, one of man there ... grap her butt when she was dancing in front of him. Can you imagine? (that place are a bit small, so if you dance around, sometimes, you have to dance in front of people who just sit down).
And the other one woman almost got same story but her boy friend, suddenly protect him, when he saw that kind of bad habit would begin from the man near her.
Then .... I am trying to think now ....
is it always like that? Party with alcohol and then with the lust no matter how old people who attend the party?
Is it not about the age. There is no age limitation ....... do not care how old are you, Party and alcohol still got that kind of affect. And the lust ... still the lust. Uhm......
Or may be I have to think that my next time party should be with some one who love me and want to protect me from that kind of sexual abuse ..... :-D So I still can enjoy my party till end. But the problem is ... uhm.... yes .... I am above thirty and still single ......
Does any body want to be my partner ? LOL
Hidden Smile
In this age, may be many people will think about that I must be already can control my emotion in my every step of what I did, and every problem that I get.
I did not say that I deny it. No... I feel it how different I am from the young age. I feel too how different I see every problem now. And I feel to how different I will be react to every bad situation. All I can say to be in the better way.
Yup ... I am more calm, patience than before. And yup ... that is the best that I feel to be woman in my age :-)
I can control all the emotion.
Of course as a human, one or two times, I loose my control.
Yup I can say to you in my proud way, that since my young age, I almost never cry in front of anybody. I am trying not to do it. Even sometimes I have to find any rest room because of this.
Uhm .... but lately, I found something that I can't control, no matter how old I am. Something that you are trying to hide but still everybody can see through your eyes, can see how bright your face. All the words looks like happily song even sad song will sound like heaven. And people who knew you well will ask you to share your happiness . LOL
And you are trying hard not to say, but still you can't control your smile, which is always come every time you remember. And you are trying to work hard, so you will not have time to day dreaming, but still there is always one or two moments who bring you to do daydreaming :D
And you will look like a teenager, your check will be blush every time you remember it. And you feel that you can do anything impossible because of that feeling . And than you have 100 power than before when sleep is not just sleep and eat is not just eat :P
And ...
I just want to know ... when I am at 40 or 50, 60 can I control this kind of feeling?
I did not say that I deny it. No... I feel it how different I am from the young age. I feel too how different I see every problem now. And I feel to how different I will be react to every bad situation. All I can say to be in the better way.
Yup ... I am more calm, patience than before. And yup ... that is the best that I feel to be woman in my age :-)
I can control all the emotion.
Of course as a human, one or two times, I loose my control.
Yup I can say to you in my proud way, that since my young age, I almost never cry in front of anybody. I am trying not to do it. Even sometimes I have to find any rest room because of this.
Uhm .... but lately, I found something that I can't control, no matter how old I am. Something that you are trying to hide but still everybody can see through your eyes, can see how bright your face. All the words looks like happily song even sad song will sound like heaven. And people who knew you well will ask you to share your happiness . LOL
And you are trying hard not to say, but still you can't control your smile, which is always come every time you remember. And you are trying to work hard, so you will not have time to day dreaming, but still there is always one or two moments who bring you to do daydreaming :D
And you will look like a teenager, your check will be blush every time you remember it. And you feel that you can do anything impossible because of that feeling . And than you have 100 power than before when sleep is not just sleep and eat is not just eat :P
And ...
I just want to know ... when I am at 40 or 50, 60 can I control this kind of feeling?
Girl - woman - girl
Do you know the funny about the creature name girl - woman?
They have many habit that unlogical, yes unlogical because it is hard to accept by the normal logical thinking :D
First when we were at our youngest time from 17 until more and less 24 years old, we always wanted to be looks older than our age. If people asked our age, we will add it one or two years more :D We acted like old woman not like a girl. We were so angry when people said that we were looks like children. We just wanted people looks us like wise woman and not like just a girl ....hahahhahhahaa
We used clothes that actually not for our age, we did not want answer any young boy greetings hahahahaha. How did we talk, how was our body languange sometimes wanted to show whole the world that we were not a girl !!!!!!!!
We were jealous to see all women in this world and really hope we get that title soon "w o m a n" and not girl anymore.
And than after we begin our 30 years and more ? All become opposite from before.
We are trying soooooooooooo hard to look young. We are laughing like the teenagers girls . We are trying to use clothes which show the whole world how young we are.
We are trying hard not to talk about our age (at least if we must answer the question, we are trying to reduce it ....hahahhahahahhaha)
We are trying to look not too wise ..... (cause wise somehow equal with old) ...hahhahhhaa
We are jealous to see all the young women in this world and trying to imagine if we were at their age. We hate if people call us with "madam"
Uh .........
And how about me?
Yup I am a woman and yup I get half (or more) of the kind of bad habits :-D
But at least I still brave enough to tell everybody about my age .... LOL
They have many habit that unlogical, yes unlogical because it is hard to accept by the normal logical thinking :D
First when we were at our youngest time from 17 until more and less 24 years old, we always wanted to be looks older than our age. If people asked our age, we will add it one or two years more :D We acted like old woman not like a girl. We were so angry when people said that we were looks like children. We just wanted people looks us like wise woman and not like just a girl ....hahahhahhahaa
We used clothes that actually not for our age, we did not want answer any young boy greetings hahahahaha. How did we talk, how was our body languange sometimes wanted to show whole the world that we were not a girl !!!!!!!!
We were jealous to see all women in this world and really hope we get that title soon "w o m a n" and not girl anymore.
And than after we begin our 30 years and more ? All become opposite from before.
We are trying soooooooooooo hard to look young. We are laughing like the teenagers girls . We are trying to use clothes which show the whole world how young we are.
We are trying hard not to talk about our age (at least if we must answer the question, we are trying to reduce it ....hahahhahahahhaha)
We are trying to look not too wise ..... (cause wise somehow equal with old) ...hahhahhhaa
We are jealous to see all the young women in this world and trying to imagine if we were at their age. We hate if people call us with "madam"
Uh .........
And how about me?
Yup I am a woman and yup I get half (or more) of the kind of bad habits :-D
But at least I still brave enough to tell everybody about my age .... LOL
My new home sweet home
Since the beginning of this month, I am in formally moving to my new home sweet home.
Yup, me and alone (of course some times my mom will come to my place) but can you imagine after long long long time ..... I can stay at one house and do anything what I want there, without tolerate with any body ^_^
Hi .... I do not mean that I am egoist or things that I do not need someone share with me. But you know, until this age, I never feel something like this. Bad, right?
At least even just a few days, or few months ..... I promise myself it will be enough for me. Yup I will keep my promise.
But sometimes, if I back home, I feel really lonely even I feel happy in another side .. .. Uh.
Can you imagine?
Really do not gratefull, right?
This week, it will be loooooooooong weekend ever. I still imagine, what will I do then. Should I stay alone by my self or should I go to my siblings place........
But I decide to enjoy every single minutes of my single life at the new place ^_^
Because may be tommorow, some one ask me to marry them and I accept it, so ..... may be I will not be alone again at one place name "home"
Who's know?
Yup, me and alone (of course some times my mom will come to my place) but can you imagine after long long long time ..... I can stay at one house and do anything what I want there, without tolerate with any body ^_^
Hi .... I do not mean that I am egoist or things that I do not need someone share with me. But you know, until this age, I never feel something like this. Bad, right?
At least even just a few days, or few months ..... I promise myself it will be enough for me. Yup I will keep my promise.
But sometimes, if I back home, I feel really lonely even I feel happy in another side .. .. Uh.
Can you imagine?
Really do not gratefull, right?
This week, it will be loooooooooong weekend ever. I still imagine, what will I do then. Should I stay alone by my self or should I go to my siblings place........
But I decide to enjoy every single minutes of my single life at the new place ^_^
Because may be tommorow, some one ask me to marry them and I accept it, so ..... may be I will not be alone again at one place name "home"
Who's know?
really badly want to hear that 3 words (how are you)
Do you know, that 3 words "how are you" is the words that I always asked to everybody before I begin to talk with them.
But that 3 words are the words which really asked by people to me hahhahahhhaahaha
Yes, only me (around 90%) who always asking my friends (actually all people that I knew) "how are you" first especially if I did not hear their news long time, not just lips service but I really want to know how are them, it is really from the bottom of my heart. If you asked me why, it is because I care about them.
(Or may be because I have too much times actually or may be because I am like kind of old people who are sooooooooo lonely so need some one to talk with hahhhahhahhaha)
But last week, when I was sooooo tired and got worse flue ....... for the first time I realize that, actually rarely people asked me "how are you" first . Almost never. And I missed that worlds said by someone to me, same like what I did to them. Really really badly wanted to hear that 3 words. But still ......... (even until now, no one did )
So since last Monday, I did not ask any body first. I badly wanted that some one ask me first!!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahhaaha
Can you imagine?
I feel afraid with that syndrome ...... do you think it is kind of syndrome which is always happen to women above thirty and single? I really feel afraid that I will became lonely single old woman, who feell loney and bother with every body to care about her?
Oh my God .............
make me feel afraid now hahahhahhaaha
But even feel afraid with that syndrome, I still could not reject my will to hear someone who ask me (from the bottom of his/her heart) first by "how are you"
Uhmmmmmmmmm
But that 3 words are the words which really asked by people to me hahhahahhhaahaha
Yes, only me (around 90%) who always asking my friends (actually all people that I knew) "how are you" first especially if I did not hear their news long time, not just lips service but I really want to know how are them, it is really from the bottom of my heart. If you asked me why, it is because I care about them.
(Or may be because I have too much times actually or may be because I am like kind of old people who are sooooooooo lonely so need some one to talk with hahhhahhahhaha)
But last week, when I was sooooo tired and got worse flue ....... for the first time I realize that, actually rarely people asked me "how are you" first . Almost never. And I missed that worlds said by someone to me, same like what I did to them. Really really badly wanted to hear that 3 words. But still ......... (even until now, no one did )
So since last Monday, I did not ask any body first. I badly wanted that some one ask me first!!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahhaaha
Can you imagine?
I feel afraid with that syndrome ...... do you think it is kind of syndrome which is always happen to women above thirty and single? I really feel afraid that I will became lonely single old woman, who feell loney and bother with every body to care about her?
Oh my God .............
make me feel afraid now hahahhahhaaha
But even feel afraid with that syndrome, I still could not reject my will to hear someone who ask me (from the bottom of his/her heart) first by "how are you"
Uhmmmmmmmmm
Slim wanna be
Same as others women in this world, I want to look slim too. Because in our mind set, slim means beauty and beauty means slim.
Silly, right? Hahahhahahahhahaa
And same as others women over thirthy in this world, I have a problem to loose my weight at my age. PS: Actually, it is easier to me to be slim if I am in stress condition. Last year around Jan - April, at the height 155 cm, my weight was just 40 kg!!!!!!!!! But after that? Uh ......
(and I do not want to get stress just because want to be slimm)
I think eventhough I just drink water everyday, that water would be a fat at my body .....hahhahahaahaha. I am sure 100 % about this.
My siblings (red: my brothers), my friends who are men always said, that nothings wrong with my body, not slim but not fat at all. Uhm.....
But again, because of my single status (or because I am the long lasting single hahahhahaa), I think no one want ask me to go out with them because I am not as slim as others women.
(yes ... I knew, it is sooooooooo silly, but still I could not wash my brain yet for my way of thinking )
And like others women who want to be slim...... I was doing many kind of ritual for being slim, from just eat 1 times a day until forbid my self to eat all the sweet things .....
But it worked for 1 or 2 days ....... and then just create many reasons to allow me to eat all the sweet things again without feel quilty at all ............ LOL
The bad things about the slim wanna be sickness, same like others women in this world, I feel lazy to go to gym and do exercise there :-) I just want to be a slim without must do a lot of work and without have to take a lot of time too :-)
(yes .... I knew .... it is silly too)
Beside it same like others women in this world, I am so envy with women who can eat anything but still slim, or even envy with women who are going pregnant but still slim. How can be like this!!!!!!!!!!!
SO ...... please please and please if you have a good slim recipe, please tell me as soon as possible
Or at least please carry me to the brain wash station to wash my brain so I can clear my brain from all the slim wanna be thinking ..... LOL
Silly, right? Hahahhahahahhahaa
And same as others women over thirthy in this world, I have a problem to loose my weight at my age. PS: Actually, it is easier to me to be slim if I am in stress condition. Last year around Jan - April, at the height 155 cm, my weight was just 40 kg!!!!!!!!! But after that? Uh ......
(and I do not want to get stress just because want to be slimm)
I think eventhough I just drink water everyday, that water would be a fat at my body .....hahhahahaahaha. I am sure 100 % about this.
My siblings (red: my brothers), my friends who are men always said, that nothings wrong with my body, not slim but not fat at all. Uhm.....
But again, because of my single status (or because I am the long lasting single hahahhahaa), I think no one want ask me to go out with them because I am not as slim as others women.
(yes ... I knew, it is sooooooooo silly, but still I could not wash my brain yet for my way of thinking )
And like others women who want to be slim...... I was doing many kind of ritual for being slim, from just eat 1 times a day until forbid my self to eat all the sweet things .....
But it worked for 1 or 2 days ....... and then just create many reasons to allow me to eat all the sweet things again without feel quilty at all ............ LOL
The bad things about the slim wanna be sickness, same like others women in this world, I feel lazy to go to gym and do exercise there :-) I just want to be a slim without must do a lot of work and without have to take a lot of time too :-)
(yes .... I knew .... it is silly too)
Beside it same like others women in this world, I am so envy with women who can eat anything but still slim, or even envy with women who are going pregnant but still slim. How can be like this!!!!!!!!!!!
SO ...... please please and please if you have a good slim recipe, please tell me as soon as possible
Or at least please carry me to the brain wash station to wash my brain so I can clear my brain from all the slim wanna be thinking ..... LOL
Haven't met you yet
Saturday night mean my lonely time ussually.Time where I have to face the truth that I am alone :-(
Not mean that I do not have friends outside or my siblings and their family will let me alone. Yes I have a lot of friends, yes, I think I could call them and will have my fun time with them and of course 100 % yes, that my siblings and their family will love to join with me and spent their time with me as the part of their live .
But escape from my loneliness by brought a ton of works from my office sometimes was not effiecient and effective to kill this lonely felling. Especially when you thought that your dateline almost come and after you read the document again and again you knew that dateline still 2 weeks again ......... Oh no !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For what you were working hard at Saturday night, then?
So I stop worked, closed all the documents and was starting to open Youtube and searching all the nice music to join me when I was filling what ever quiz that available at Facebook :-)
Do you know one of my favorite at FB is the quiz things.
Than ..... I found this songs by Michael Buble (first time I saw his face, I thought that he could not sing at all, just sold his handsome face ..... hahhhahahhahhaa (sorry Michael) but I was so wrong (the lesson :don't judge book from it's cover :-)) ... he is handsome and can sing as well as his face, and than now I am the one of his fans)
The title is : " Haven't met you yet"
this is the part of the lyric:
I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I gues it's half timing
and the other half's luck
wherever you are, whenever it's right
you come out of nowhere and into my life
........
I just haven't met you yet
So I think about what happend to me
Yes, I've broken my heart so many times
until actually I feel afraid to fall in love anymore.
I was so afraid that I can't stand this time if I have to break my heart.
Build the high and strong wall to protect my heart, so no one can come in.
And said to everybody, I am alone because no one want to be with me.
But how can I find the love of my life if I do not want to open my heart?
So the first thing that I must do .... I have to open my mind, open my heart.
See all the possibilty and should not give up.
And if one day, I break my heart again ....
it is just simple reason .......
that is only because I haven't met my soulmate yet.
That I still need time to find him.
Beside that life is still beautiful even you are over thirty and single, right?
Jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fighting !!!!!!!!!!!
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