As long as I knew, people often get wrong idea about me. That always make me think again again if certainly I do something wrong which make them get many wrong idea about me.
Last 2 months, someone told me that somehow I have 2 faces. Because I could look serious but I wrote something funny. LOL
Do you think so? Uhm
I remembered long long time ago when I was still at my college, one of my best friend said that usually when I look so happy, means that I am sad. LOL
And lately one of my best friends mention the same about me.
Funny, right?
But to look happy when you feel sad, it is good, right?
The others common wrong idea about me is : many people here think that I am party girl. Always hanging out around at night. But actually I rarely go out at night. Yup I love walking around at the Mall, just to do window shopping and always back home before 9 or 10 PM . Not more. May be I want to go out hanging out one or two times, but it is usually not alone but with my siblings or my friends.
Beside that "party girl stamp" at me, people often think that I am so spoil if they do not work with me. Actually, I am just spoil with my lover, I rarely spoil in front of many people especially in my work now, I have to solve the problem alone, do my job alone (without any assistance). No one help to do my task, I event want to bring the heavy things alone if the office boy is buy with others job. Hahahahhaa. So how can they think that I am spoil woman?
Not rarely they think that I have many boy friends, play all men heart. But uhm.... I have to tell you the truth, usually men broke my heart first. Hahahhahaa
Or they think that I am too strong as a woman. Never sad just laughing. But actually no..... I am still normal woman. I can cry just because of small problem, but of course I am crying alone and do not want to show all people. I got many problems too. I did not born at the golden spoon..... I have to work so hard for my life. And there is one or two times, I have to say "I could not pass this" and crying a lot. But again ... my pride do not let me to do it. LOL
Or the funny wrong idea about me is about make up. Many people think that I used make up. But the truth is I just have moisturizer and lipstick and not more. I even do not know how to make eyebrow .... I just go to the saloon if I want to make my eyebrow look nice. Hahahahhahahaha
The other wrong idea is they said that I am a picky woman, that is the reason I am still alone. But actually no, I am not picky. How can they say that I am picky if I have no one whom I can choose to be my lover? LOL
My mom always said about the same (she said that I should try to meet them lol, and all people think that there are ton of men now, are waiting me to be their lover. But the fact, no ... not many at all. I do not know why they do not choose me? LOL
It is confuse me, why they think so far about me?
Uhm.... may be because I am so smart, beautiful and talented? huahahahahhahaahahahaaha
And many of the wrong ideas of me made it by all people.
Hi ... do you think actually I am so bad like that said but I did not realize it?
I do not know. Do you have idea?
Birthday - between gratefull and nightmare
As a normal human ... every year, I have one day name : BIRTHDAY .
When my age increase 1 year but actually my time of living in this world decrease 1 year too.
Still balance, right? LOL
And same like the other birthdays before, actually I do not know what should I do at that day. Last year my siblings and their families made one small party for me. Not really kind of party, just one cake with candle (with the number of my age!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare them remind it lol). But that was the lonely birthday that I ever had. Why? Because actually they were more busy with their family and I was alone there, watched them with envy and lonely feeling.
Tomorrow? I do not know. All my friends at the office are really busy because of preparation for soft launching next year. So can't ask them to do any fun things together. My both younger brother will just at home because they are busy with their family (they both have one cute small son, whom make them do not want to go out anywhere after office hours), and my lovely sister could not go out because her nanny still does not back home yet, make her busy with her son. And my mom? She will not want to go out too late :-( May be because feel afraid that someone kid nap her . LOL
And the other friends? I think many of them busy with their own family (that is the big problem for woman at 30s .. because many of your friends already have their own family and do not have much time to do any crazy things with you. Hahaahhahahhahaa
Like I wrote before, I do not have problem with all that. It is ok if no one joint with me to do something. I get to use it. Go alone everywhere, just with myself. So that is really not my problem.
The problem is because it is just a few years left to be 40s something. It is really nightmare for me. Feel afraid being old (hi .... I am woman, sometimes my emotion bigger than my logical thinking ). Really envy with all young women there ...... LOL
Half hour before, I watched my face at the mirror, to make sure that there is no wrinkle at my face. I saw it carefully inch by inch. To make sure there is really no wrinkle. Ha ha ha ha ha .
At the bus during my home back way, I thought whether I would want to go back to my young time if God would give me the chance. And the funny things, I do not want to go back at that time. I am grateful with all that ever happen with me. From the worse until the best. I do not want to change anything. I like what I am now, and may be it would not same if I would change my past. Yup, I do not regret my past.
I just do not like birthday, want to stop my age now..... hahahaaahhaha
Ah .... by the way: do you think I will get nice present tomorrow? LOL
Or even though there is no love letter and I am still single at least there is someone ask me to eat baskin robins with a big chocolate cake ..... huahahahhahhaha
When my age increase 1 year but actually my time of living in this world decrease 1 year too.
Still balance, right? LOL
And same like the other birthdays before, actually I do not know what should I do at that day. Last year my siblings and their families made one small party for me. Not really kind of party, just one cake with candle (with the number of my age!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare them remind it lol). But that was the lonely birthday that I ever had. Why? Because actually they were more busy with their family and I was alone there, watched them with envy and lonely feeling.
Tomorrow? I do not know. All my friends at the office are really busy because of preparation for soft launching next year. So can't ask them to do any fun things together. My both younger brother will just at home because they are busy with their family (they both have one cute small son, whom make them do not want to go out anywhere after office hours), and my lovely sister could not go out because her nanny still does not back home yet, make her busy with her son. And my mom? She will not want to go out too late :-( May be because feel afraid that someone kid nap her . LOL
And the other friends? I think many of them busy with their own family (that is the big problem for woman at 30s .. because many of your friends already have their own family and do not have much time to do any crazy things with you. Hahaahhahahhahaa
Like I wrote before, I do not have problem with all that. It is ok if no one joint with me to do something. I get to use it. Go alone everywhere, just with myself. So that is really not my problem.
The problem is because it is just a few years left to be 40s something. It is really nightmare for me. Feel afraid being old (hi .... I am woman, sometimes my emotion bigger than my logical thinking ). Really envy with all young women there ...... LOL
Half hour before, I watched my face at the mirror, to make sure that there is no wrinkle at my face. I saw it carefully inch by inch. To make sure there is really no wrinkle. Ha ha ha ha ha .
At the bus during my home back way, I thought whether I would want to go back to my young time if God would give me the chance. And the funny things, I do not want to go back at that time. I am grateful with all that ever happen with me. From the worse until the best. I do not want to change anything. I like what I am now, and may be it would not same if I would change my past. Yup, I do not regret my past.
I just do not like birthday, want to stop my age now..... hahahaaahhaha
Ah .... by the way: do you think I will get nice present tomorrow? LOL
Or even though there is no love letter and I am still single at least there is someone ask me to eat baskin robins with a big chocolate cake ..... huahahahhahhaha
Match Maker .... About Pride and Dignity
To be the only single woman at Asian family, certainly is not easy. Especially, if all your younger brothers already married and have their own children plus especially when your age is already more than 30 yo. And this is one of the example, which is hurt my pride and take away my dignity.
Last week was the biggest day for Muslim (Eid Festival), and for Muslim people in Indonesia this festival is the biggest one, where whole family are together to celebrate it. Time for us to meet our biggest family whom usually we rarely (almost never) met, time for us to say sorry to the eldest.
And for me it was actually always be the hard moment of my life. The family gathering, when all family show their family, when I am the single fighter at that gathering and when I should hear the never ending question (ok .... will end as soon as my status changing. LOL ) : when I will marry, why I am too picky, why I did not like my others siblings. If I never think to have my own family, if I do not want to have my own child, if I am not bored to be the single woman. And when people remind me again and again about my age which is not younger anymore :D
The worse ... when I had to see how pity they look at me ........ (Do I look really so sad? Uhm .... I think I was happy at that time because I could met all my nephews. Or may be the wrinkle at my face become more and more so I looks sadder than before ......... LOL )
And then come the time when my mom asked, if they knew some one who match for me and made them want to be a hero by decide to be the match maker for me.... Uh
I knew ... they have a good will. But try to find someone for me? Is it not a bit too far? Take my dignity away. Looks like that I am so ugly and no one want with me so I need them to find some one who is too stupid too, to find wife by his self. Uhm.....
Not try to be arrogant, but I think I am not too ugly, not too fat too. I think as a woman at my age, I am quite fine. Do you think so? :D
But if until now, no one whom I love, proposed me to be their wife, what should I do? Should I take just everybody just because I want to end this "single" status? I am not picky. I am not workaholic, who just think about my job. I am not feminist members who thinks that she did not need any man at her life. I am not trauma with all my broken heart things which make me close all my heart to every man. I am not "high and mighty".
No ... I am not. I just want to spent my life with the one that I love and loved me. And hi ...... I am trying to find it too !!!!!!
And if because of that I am still single, should they feel pity on me? Should they look at me like I am the burden for my mom? Should I be the bad daughter? And should they try to find someone and "beg" him to marry me? Uhm ...
Yup .... this month there is one more number at my age. But still ..... I believe that one day, I will end my "single" status, with the one whom loved me and I love and happily ever after, without any kind of match maker things :P
Wish me luck, will you? :D
Last week was the biggest day for Muslim (Eid Festival), and for Muslim people in Indonesia this festival is the biggest one, where whole family are together to celebrate it. Time for us to meet our biggest family whom usually we rarely (almost never) met, time for us to say sorry to the eldest.
And for me it was actually always be the hard moment of my life. The family gathering, when all family show their family, when I am the single fighter at that gathering and when I should hear the never ending question (ok .... will end as soon as my status changing. LOL ) : when I will marry, why I am too picky, why I did not like my others siblings. If I never think to have my own family, if I do not want to have my own child, if I am not bored to be the single woman. And when people remind me again and again about my age which is not younger anymore :D
The worse ... when I had to see how pity they look at me ........ (Do I look really so sad? Uhm .... I think I was happy at that time because I could met all my nephews. Or may be the wrinkle at my face become more and more so I looks sadder than before ......... LOL )
And then come the time when my mom asked, if they knew some one who match for me and made them want to be a hero by decide to be the match maker for me.... Uh
I knew ... they have a good will. But try to find someone for me? Is it not a bit too far? Take my dignity away. Looks like that I am so ugly and no one want with me so I need them to find some one who is too stupid too, to find wife by his self. Uhm.....
Not try to be arrogant, but I think I am not too ugly, not too fat too. I think as a woman at my age, I am quite fine. Do you think so? :D
But if until now, no one whom I love, proposed me to be their wife, what should I do? Should I take just everybody just because I want to end this "single" status? I am not picky. I am not workaholic, who just think about my job. I am not feminist members who thinks that she did not need any man at her life. I am not trauma with all my broken heart things which make me close all my heart to every man. I am not "high and mighty".
No ... I am not. I just want to spent my life with the one that I love and loved me. And hi ...... I am trying to find it too !!!!!!
And if because of that I am still single, should they feel pity on me? Should they look at me like I am the burden for my mom? Should I be the bad daughter? And should they try to find someone and "beg" him to marry me? Uhm ...
Yup .... this month there is one more number at my age. But still ..... I believe that one day, I will end my "single" status, with the one whom loved me and I love and happily ever after, without any kind of match maker things :P
Wish me luck, will you? :D
Party, Alcohol and Lust
At my age now, I rarely want to go to the any kind of party. It is often if I did not accept any party, even though the owner party was my close friend. Not mean I do not want to be kind of strike woman who can not enjoy the life or woman who can not make any sosialization with all people. Of course one or two times ... I am enjoy to do this .... especially if too tired and need something which make you can scream loud, dancing until you die .... and of course ... laughing on all the drank people there ....
Uhm ... the funny things on me ... I never attend any kind of party with some one who I love and loved me. Or actually it was the good things? So no one will make me jealous or no one will do any kind of jealous thing to me .... hahahhhaaa
Dunno ....
Yesterday I attend, one party because of I had to attend it. That was kind of solidarity party, so after did loooooooong workshop with people from South Asia country, it is kind of farewell party for each others.
So ... like kind of any party ... there should be music, alcohol, dancing ....
Dance till you drop ........LOL
Drink alcohol till you drank ..... hahahaahahahahaha .... nope just joke never work for me (one of the biggest mercy, He gave to me :D)
I thought the most part of the party which I like is the dancing time. It was sooooooo nice, because it was so long since I did the last time.
The live music were good, the songs were nice and the athmosphere there were so good ... until one of the guy there asked me to dance with him.
Actually ... it was not wrong I think to dance with any body since the songs is kind of the rock music. I mean, it was no dance music so ... the chance of him to touch my body is almost nothing.
But actually I was wrong ... he was so drunk and I did not realize when he asked me .... and in the middle of the song he hold me so thight and began to touch my body ....... ARRGHHHHH....
So angry .. until I did push him and made him almost fallen down there .... but ... I could not help my self. Sorry .
After that one of my friend who is woman, told me the same thing, one of man there ... grap her butt when she was dancing in front of him. Can you imagine? (that place are a bit small, so if you dance around, sometimes, you have to dance in front of people who just sit down).
And the other one woman almost got same story but her boy friend, suddenly protect him, when he saw that kind of bad habit would begin from the man near her.
Then .... I am trying to think now ....
is it always like that? Party with alcohol and then with the lust no matter how old people who attend the party?
Is it not about the age. There is no age limitation ....... do not care how old are you, Party and alcohol still got that kind of affect. And the lust ... still the lust. Uhm......
Or may be I have to think that my next time party should be with some one who love me and want to protect me from that kind of sexual abuse ..... :-D So I still can enjoy my party till end. But the problem is ... uhm.... yes .... I am above thirty and still single ......
Does any body want to be my partner ? LOL
Uhm ... the funny things on me ... I never attend any kind of party with some one who I love and loved me. Or actually it was the good things? So no one will make me jealous or no one will do any kind of jealous thing to me .... hahahhhaaa
Dunno ....
Yesterday I attend, one party because of I had to attend it. That was kind of solidarity party, so after did loooooooong workshop with people from South Asia country, it is kind of farewell party for each others.
So ... like kind of any party ... there should be music, alcohol, dancing ....
Dance till you drop ........LOL
Drink alcohol till you drank ..... hahahaahahahahaha .... nope just joke never work for me (one of the biggest mercy, He gave to me :D)
I thought the most part of the party which I like is the dancing time. It was sooooooo nice, because it was so long since I did the last time.
The live music were good, the songs were nice and the athmosphere there were so good ... until one of the guy there asked me to dance with him.
Actually ... it was not wrong I think to dance with any body since the songs is kind of the rock music. I mean, it was no dance music so ... the chance of him to touch my body is almost nothing.
But actually I was wrong ... he was so drunk and I did not realize when he asked me .... and in the middle of the song he hold me so thight and began to touch my body ....... ARRGHHHHH....
So angry .. until I did push him and made him almost fallen down there .... but ... I could not help my self. Sorry .
After that one of my friend who is woman, told me the same thing, one of man there ... grap her butt when she was dancing in front of him. Can you imagine? (that place are a bit small, so if you dance around, sometimes, you have to dance in front of people who just sit down).
And the other one woman almost got same story but her boy friend, suddenly protect him, when he saw that kind of bad habit would begin from the man near her.
Then .... I am trying to think now ....
is it always like that? Party with alcohol and then with the lust no matter how old people who attend the party?
Is it not about the age. There is no age limitation ....... do not care how old are you, Party and alcohol still got that kind of affect. And the lust ... still the lust. Uhm......
Or may be I have to think that my next time party should be with some one who love me and want to protect me from that kind of sexual abuse ..... :-D So I still can enjoy my party till end. But the problem is ... uhm.... yes .... I am above thirty and still single ......
Does any body want to be my partner ? LOL
Hidden Smile
In this age, may be many people will think about that I must be already can control my emotion in my every step of what I did, and every problem that I get.
I did not say that I deny it. No... I feel it how different I am from the young age. I feel too how different I see every problem now. And I feel to how different I will be react to every bad situation. All I can say to be in the better way.
Yup ... I am more calm, patience than before. And yup ... that is the best that I feel to be woman in my age :-)
I can control all the emotion.
Of course as a human, one or two times, I loose my control.
Yup I can say to you in my proud way, that since my young age, I almost never cry in front of anybody. I am trying not to do it. Even sometimes I have to find any rest room because of this.
Uhm .... but lately, I found something that I can't control, no matter how old I am. Something that you are trying to hide but still everybody can see through your eyes, can see how bright your face. All the words looks like happily song even sad song will sound like heaven. And people who knew you well will ask you to share your happiness . LOL
And you are trying hard not to say, but still you can't control your smile, which is always come every time you remember. And you are trying to work hard, so you will not have time to day dreaming, but still there is always one or two moments who bring you to do daydreaming :D
And you will look like a teenager, your check will be blush every time you remember it. And you feel that you can do anything impossible because of that feeling . And than you have 100 power than before when sleep is not just sleep and eat is not just eat :P
And ...
I just want to know ... when I am at 40 or 50, 60 can I control this kind of feeling?
I did not say that I deny it. No... I feel it how different I am from the young age. I feel too how different I see every problem now. And I feel to how different I will be react to every bad situation. All I can say to be in the better way.
Yup ... I am more calm, patience than before. And yup ... that is the best that I feel to be woman in my age :-)
I can control all the emotion.
Of course as a human, one or two times, I loose my control.
Yup I can say to you in my proud way, that since my young age, I almost never cry in front of anybody. I am trying not to do it. Even sometimes I have to find any rest room because of this.
Uhm .... but lately, I found something that I can't control, no matter how old I am. Something that you are trying to hide but still everybody can see through your eyes, can see how bright your face. All the words looks like happily song even sad song will sound like heaven. And people who knew you well will ask you to share your happiness . LOL
And you are trying hard not to say, but still you can't control your smile, which is always come every time you remember. And you are trying to work hard, so you will not have time to day dreaming, but still there is always one or two moments who bring you to do daydreaming :D
And you will look like a teenager, your check will be blush every time you remember it. And you feel that you can do anything impossible because of that feeling . And than you have 100 power than before when sleep is not just sleep and eat is not just eat :P
And ...
I just want to know ... when I am at 40 or 50, 60 can I control this kind of feeling?
Girl - woman - girl
Do you know the funny about the creature name girl - woman?
They have many habit that unlogical, yes unlogical because it is hard to accept by the normal logical thinking :D
First when we were at our youngest time from 17 until more and less 24 years old, we always wanted to be looks older than our age. If people asked our age, we will add it one or two years more :D We acted like old woman not like a girl. We were so angry when people said that we were looks like children. We just wanted people looks us like wise woman and not like just a girl ....hahahhahhahaa
We used clothes that actually not for our age, we did not want answer any young boy greetings hahahahaha. How did we talk, how was our body languange sometimes wanted to show whole the world that we were not a girl !!!!!!!!
We were jealous to see all women in this world and really hope we get that title soon "w o m a n" and not girl anymore.
And than after we begin our 30 years and more ? All become opposite from before.
We are trying soooooooooooo hard to look young. We are laughing like the teenagers girls . We are trying to use clothes which show the whole world how young we are.
We are trying hard not to talk about our age (at least if we must answer the question, we are trying to reduce it ....hahahhahahahhaha)
We are trying to look not too wise ..... (cause wise somehow equal with old) ...hahhahhhaa
We are jealous to see all the young women in this world and trying to imagine if we were at their age. We hate if people call us with "madam"
Uh .........
And how about me?
Yup I am a woman and yup I get half (or more) of the kind of bad habits :-D
But at least I still brave enough to tell everybody about my age .... LOL
They have many habit that unlogical, yes unlogical because it is hard to accept by the normal logical thinking :D
First when we were at our youngest time from 17 until more and less 24 years old, we always wanted to be looks older than our age. If people asked our age, we will add it one or two years more :D We acted like old woman not like a girl. We were so angry when people said that we were looks like children. We just wanted people looks us like wise woman and not like just a girl ....hahahhahhahaa
We used clothes that actually not for our age, we did not want answer any young boy greetings hahahahaha. How did we talk, how was our body languange sometimes wanted to show whole the world that we were not a girl !!!!!!!!
We were jealous to see all women in this world and really hope we get that title soon "w o m a n" and not girl anymore.
And than after we begin our 30 years and more ? All become opposite from before.
We are trying soooooooooooo hard to look young. We are laughing like the teenagers girls . We are trying to use clothes which show the whole world how young we are.
We are trying hard not to talk about our age (at least if we must answer the question, we are trying to reduce it ....hahahhahahahhaha)
We are trying to look not too wise ..... (cause wise somehow equal with old) ...hahhahhhaa
We are jealous to see all the young women in this world and trying to imagine if we were at their age. We hate if people call us with "madam"
Uh .........
And how about me?
Yup I am a woman and yup I get half (or more) of the kind of bad habits :-D
But at least I still brave enough to tell everybody about my age .... LOL
My new home sweet home
Since the beginning of this month, I am in formally moving to my new home sweet home.
Yup, me and alone (of course some times my mom will come to my place) but can you imagine after long long long time ..... I can stay at one house and do anything what I want there, without tolerate with any body ^_^
Hi .... I do not mean that I am egoist or things that I do not need someone share with me. But you know, until this age, I never feel something like this. Bad, right?
At least even just a few days, or few months ..... I promise myself it will be enough for me. Yup I will keep my promise.
But sometimes, if I back home, I feel really lonely even I feel happy in another side .. .. Uh.
Can you imagine?
Really do not gratefull, right?
This week, it will be loooooooooong weekend ever. I still imagine, what will I do then. Should I stay alone by my self or should I go to my siblings place........
But I decide to enjoy every single minutes of my single life at the new place ^_^
Because may be tommorow, some one ask me to marry them and I accept it, so ..... may be I will not be alone again at one place name "home"
Who's know?
Yup, me and alone (of course some times my mom will come to my place) but can you imagine after long long long time ..... I can stay at one house and do anything what I want there, without tolerate with any body ^_^
Hi .... I do not mean that I am egoist or things that I do not need someone share with me. But you know, until this age, I never feel something like this. Bad, right?
At least even just a few days, or few months ..... I promise myself it will be enough for me. Yup I will keep my promise.
But sometimes, if I back home, I feel really lonely even I feel happy in another side .. .. Uh.
Can you imagine?
Really do not gratefull, right?
This week, it will be loooooooooong weekend ever. I still imagine, what will I do then. Should I stay alone by my self or should I go to my siblings place........
But I decide to enjoy every single minutes of my single life at the new place ^_^
Because may be tommorow, some one ask me to marry them and I accept it, so ..... may be I will not be alone again at one place name "home"
Who's know?
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