Cure your heart by giving

Last Sunday I spent my day at the place which is mixing from orphanage and cure house for children who just loose their father or their mother. That is one of my dream to stay with the children which have problems. And give my heart to them so they will feel a bit warm at least a few minutes of their life by my present. Give my best prayer to them so they will dare to dream and trust their self that they can do everything and reach everything that they dream. And build their self confidence so they will feel same like others children in this world who are living better than them.

This kind of needy ( I mean to stay with them a bit, laugh together, listen, sing, smile, play and pray with them) become bigger and bigger everyday. And yesterday its kind of cure my heart from the burden of my life. The deepest of my heart said that actually not my self which help them, but THEY / the children actually help me.

See their smile, see their sincere, see the bling - bling at their eyes, see how happy they are when you hug them and feel their warm present, feel how they need you and feel how they trust you more than you trust yourself. It is so amazing for me.

At my age, I think it was one of the best day that I have.

Through them and their big problem, I learn that my problems are nothing compare with them. Through them, I feel that I am so blessing. I am the lucky one in this world. Through them I realize that I have many people around me who loves me so much. Hi .. if the small people like them can pass their big problems actually the big people like us, can pass the bigger problem too :D God always fair, isn't He?

Giving not always means that you should give a things like money. Not always like that. But you can give whatever that you have. Even your smile ... it means a lot for others people.

I knew, you will think that I am crazy. How to cure your heart problems through that kind of activity. I could not explain how. You should try a bit. Just a bit if you have time. And see their smile ... and you feel so amazing and warm at your heart.

So .... come on, if you have a big problem, trying to find people around you and give them your best smile. And it will cure your heart a bit. May be it will show you that your problem is nothing compare with their, then may be you will be grateful after that with all that you have include your problem :-)

Love PEOPLE and Not THINGS

At my age now, one thing that I am always sure about myself that I do love people and I do not want to love things and I am trying hard not to use people just for my interest, but I will use things that I have to support all my activities. 

I remembered many people told that I might be accept that one western man in my life because he is rich and I must be a rich woman because I separated from him. He must be rich and gave me a lot of money when we separated. Uhm... actually I never accepted him because he is rich or because what he gave to me. And I did not ask him to separate because he would give me a ton of money or things. As long as I knew, I even did not ask him to pay anything for my self during our time at that time. 

I remembered too, that one day, one of my friend ever asked me, what Mr X (the name of man who closed with me at that time), gave me? Jewelery, expensive clothes, luxuries things? Uhm... I think I never wanted to stay with anybody just because he is rich and gave me a lot of things. I never asked them how much money they have and would give to me and I never asked them to pay something for myself. I never asked them which kind of cars they have, where they life , did they have a house or not, how many hectare land that they have, which position are they in their job.  I do not care about that at all. As long as they love me and I love them. 

I think I am still grateful to my God, because so far I still can buy what I want, I still can buy good clothes, nice shoes, stay in warm house (even though it is still rent now) and I still can pay my taxi expenses if I feel lazy to go to somewhere by bus.

And actually I feel guilty if I am using someone to full fill my needy. 

Then I felt so amazing, when one day someone really direct asked me if I wanted to go with him because he is rich. He said he is not handsome, not tall, not kind of dreaming man, and how could beautiful woman like me wanted to go with him if he is not rich :-(

That was so bad. Did he never have any self confidence? Yes, may be for thousands of people outside, he is ugly and may be for thousands women around him, his money is the best things from him. But it is not for me.

Because he behaved so nice to me and it is more worthy than his money. Because the way he treated me at that time, made me feel comfortable to walk beside him and it is more precious than his money. And the way that I felt for him made he looked handsome in my eyes.

If you love or care just because of they are rich, how if one day they became poor? If one day you love or care just because they are beautiful or handsome, how if one day they become ugly? Would you leave them? Or do you want to do everything for them just because they are rich?Do you not need something more worthy and precious name: LOVE , CARE, SINCERE? 

Do you want people do the same to you? It will hurt you. Trust me.

You can't buy anything with money. You can't have everything with money. Of course you can't life without money either, but trust me, if you trust your God, and ask your God, He will full fill it for you and you can have what do you want through your own hands and not through others people. And trust me, it is more beautiful to love or to care someone just the way they are and it is more worthy to give love or care others unconditional.

So please love PEOPLE and Not THINGS and use THINGS and not PEOPLE :-)  :-)

You are strong (and more than you think about).

Living as Asian women, usually harder than Western woman. The culture force us as Asian woman to stand below the man. The culture force us to be a servant for a man and not a partner.

Of course in a big city, you almost do not find this kind of weird situation.  Women and men are in the same level, we are partner, have same right for almost everything. And the famous name for that is "Gender Equity" :D  Of course not all people in the big cities will accept that kind of equity. But the situation will not be to worse compare in the small cities or villages.

The worse part of this culture when man shows their superior side to woman and use it to their partner. And this beautiful lady as his partner begins to feel that how he treat her is the normal situation that she should accept. Because as a woman, she born to be weak. Because as a woman, she could do nothing when he treated her bad. Because he has more power than her. And he has more money than her and she could do nothing without him. He treat her bad, talk to her so bad and step by step she got to use the situation and then begin to loose her self confidence. 

I do not want to judge any man in here. I do not want to blame any culture in here. But as apart of  a woman in this world (hahahahhaha) I have a dreams to change all the womens mind in that situation. Yup kind of solidarity for woman. LOL

I want you as a woman  to realize that you are born to be a woman, it mean actually you are stronger than any man in this world.  Because only woman can give a birth their children and that is the time when she should stand the worse pain in this world!!!!!!!! 

If God give the confidence to woman  that we can resist to feel that kind of pain and even did not trust man (who said that they are the stronger people in this world), so ladies, if  you are believe in God, you should trust that you are actually born  more than 1000 times stronger than a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because you are strong,  if someone treat you bad, do not respect you, hit or beat you, and put you as their servant, just let them go. Trust yourself. Don't wait until someone change the culture, don't wait until someone help you. You just need the trustee to yourself and your God, (and of course if you trust me too, I will always beside you and support you) 

But please of course it  does not mean that you should treat all men in a bad way. Hi .. we still need them, right ? hahahhahahahahaa. Not all men are bad. They are same like us. Many of them are good guys.  If you do not meet the nice guys now, may be tomorrow, you will meet them. Whose know?  Just don't worry about that :D 

Life is great actually. Just depend on you, how you enjoy and colorful your life :D 

So ladies ... please love and trust yourself.

 

Make love and not hit or beat!

Last night I was chatting with one of my friend who told me about one woman who raped and beat by one man. That woman feel afraid to go to the police because she said,  the man give money to the police so the police will rejected her report. He told her that he would do something bad to her family if she leave him. Uhm !!!!!!!!

Sad story, right? And my friend feel afraid to help her because he think that man will kill him too :D

Unfortunately this lady do not stay near me. I could not help her much.  When I called her, she did not want to talk much because her boy friend there and she felt afraid that he beat her. Uhm ...

Next morning she send me text message me and said sorry and let just her call me not reverse :-(

I just do not understand about the kind of hit and beat solution. I just do not understand why people hit and beat other people. And it hurts me because she is pregnant now!

How if something happen to her. How if something happen to her baby? Why that man does not think about it? 

I ever met another woman - my friend, whom face and all her body were blue because of her husband's hit at her in front of her child just because she didn't want to give him money. She ran out that night from her house and felt afraid to back home.

I almost wanted to cry when I saw her.  Really wanted to find her husband and asked why he treated her so bad. 

I could understand some times people loose their control. I knew it. But how could they hit someone like that especially someone whom they ever love, the mother of their kids? 

Yes may be someone made a mistake, but should you hit or beat them because of that? Especially if they are weaker than you. Is it fair? 

I do not talk about man or woman here. It is same. Not because of woman, you have right to hit or beat others. 

Why do you not give them love. It will be more touch their heart than your hit.  Why do not care about them . It will help them to understand their mistakes and open their mind to know you better.  

Hit and beat just a temporary solution. They will hate you more and will decrease their love for you.  Do you really want to loose their love? Do you really want to loose them? 

Come on you are strong, and may be you are right. So because you are stronger than them, please handle yourself first. Go out if you feel you feel that you want to hit them. Go out a bit. Make a peace with your soul, forgive yourself  because you are angry. If you feel that you could not handle yourself go to the expert. They will help you.  Don't make your emotion take a control and try to break every thing and everyone that your love. You will regret it later.

Just make love, share your love to your lovely one, it is more beautiful than hit and beat.  I know you can do that. If not ... you can write me and talk to me about it, will you? 

And I am falling in love (again)

Yup I am falling in love again with my life now. Strange? Hahahahhhahahahaha

Last 2 weeks was one of the hardest time in my life. I felt really down at that time. Don't know what should I do. One just I could do at that time, was using one of my beautiful dress, and showing my best smile to every people that I made. And was trying to count again how lucky I am. And in the night with my tears .... I told to God what I felt and apologize for every one that ever hurt by me. Every one

And the amazing things after those hard time, I met all the amazing people who were touch me by their lovely way.  From the bus drivers, all the passengers there (who actually never knew me and never known by me), all my friends (from the close one until who actually almost never say "Hi" to me), all people whom I met at the street, my co workers, my face book friends. And I felt ... how lucky I am because many people actually love me. 

I am so grateful for all this happen to me, which open my eyes, open my heart to see all that love around me. All the great and nice people, whom sometimes I never care about (yup, I promise myself more care about them now :-)).

Then I think ... nothing happen accidentally in this world. Because if I did not feel that sad moment, might be I would be still the one who thoughts about how sad I was,  that no one care about me. And might be, I would not give my love (even just smile) to people around me or pray the small prayer to them :-)

You knew .... thats the way why I am falling in love again with my life. I feel that I am so blessing. I am so grateful. How God loves me so much. And then again,  I should really trust my Almighty more than anyone in this world. Because just my Beloved could help myself. Not anyone. So why should I worry and sad anymore if I already ask and put my life in My God's Hand? He has more power than my problems.  Just trust God 100% and wait. 

And now ... my tasks just share all the loves that I have now for everyone in this world :D

Life is beautiful, isn't it? 

Karaoke - the way to scream freely

Do you ever have one day when you feel so sad, angry, mad ? And you could do nothing because of you could not blame anyone and you do not feel that there is some one who wants to cheer you? 

Or do you ever have one week when everything look so blue? Sad? Depressed? 

And you feel that your problem burden you so much. And you do not have a place to stay to take a breath a bit? 

And you want to scream freely without catch by police or people around you? 

I give you the secret receipt ... 

Try to find one nice Karaoke place

So now just choose any kind of song. Rock is one alternative kind of music to scream. Or any pop music which is almost like rock. 

Don't feel shame because no one will see you or listen to you. 

Just begin to scream ... as loud ad you wants, as long as needs. Through away your sadness, angriness, madness by screaming. It is better than you have to angry to someone and than you regret it or you drink an Alcohol until you drunken. LOL

So why at Karaoke place? Because no one think that you are crazy, and no one will complain about your voice or because you sing to loud. And the important things, you did not bother any one.LOL

And trust me after 3 hours or more or less (depend on your problems of course :-)) you will feel a bit relieved. Trust me. 

Don't say to me about that you can't sing. We do not talk about singer contest, we just talk about how to move your burden from your shoulder :D

Same what I feel now after a few hours at the Karaoke place. Sings like crazy until I loose my voice.

And now .... I feel a bit relieve and have much spirits and energies to chase my dreams again tomorrow :D  

All I ever want is happiness

Its because the world has a you

You give me the courage to breathe

Even if everything gets misty due to tears

In my heart you will always be beautiful

The most beautiful miracle in Life

In fact it is that I met you

It was you who held my hand

to weather the storm

Leaving the final to the Lord to decide

All I ever want is happiness

Using my whole life to pursue it 

Letting the stars guide the way

No matter helpless

A last impression with every step

All I ever want is happiness

Not afraid to take a gamble for love

I wont admit defeat

I wont give in

Staying by your side

Cause all I ever want is happiness 

You for me in my note

I couldn't tell you in a thousand years,

with a thousand smiles and a thousand tears,

how much I love you

I could try one hundred thousand ways

but I couldn't reveal the dept of emotion that even words can't say

If I could send my thoughts directly to your heart alone

in every fashion and language known,

I still couldn't reveal how much I love you

If I could paint my feelings into a priceless piece of art,

send my admiration on the wings of a dove

soaring straight to your heart ....

I still couldn't reveal the depth of my love

But I vow that you're all I've ever dreamed of ..

and thought words can't say it, I want you to know it

because I love you forever and I intend to show it